BORIS

Mareshal Khordikovski,

The following letter, duly confiscated during my onerous censor duties, illustrates the deparavity prevalent on this base.

Not only does it plainly confess thievery and misuse of VVS equipment - it also witnesses nefarious crimes that I have reported to the SSPCA (Soviet Society for the Protection of Animals) - even low life creatures such as Boris should not be forced to share a cockpit with Sheep!

Alex Ivanofovich
Political Regimental Intelligence Kommisar

Dearest Tovarich Mum,

Just a quick note to say I got back safe and sound. It was an exciting day all in all starting when Leutenant Tooz borrowed my plane to go off on so called intelligence gathering. He said that I couldn't come along for 'obvious reasons' and that Akula was painting his plane. Not quite sure what he meant but I lent him my gunner - Boris who is a disgusting little chap from the penal regiment. Well they came back with about a hundred and twenty eight strange looking sheep things. I don't know how they got them into the back seat but Boris had a strange little smile on his face.... actualy I think they had both been at the Murmansk ointment... cos Tooz started to rave about a big party at the local airfield but how he needed to stuff all these sheep into his deskside drinks cabinet to make his plane go faster. I'm not sure how that will work but here is a picture of him that I borrowed out of his snaps album of Pravda cuttings....

	Young bomber pilot - Murmansk 1921

It was marked 'Young bomber pilot - Murmansk 1921' Anyway - we scrambled off to find the party leaving him with the sheep. Well we got to the other base and they'd all gone so Akula got the bright idea to go off into the swamp.... As usual - we were wondering up the road and Akula finds an AAA gun...guess what he does next.... this is getting repetitive ... he attacks it and blows it up and starts complaining about snipped wires or tubes..... he's going home and that I can carry on wiping out the fascist invaders... then he buggers off taking Slimy Alex and all his Intelligence chums with him (hope it's not him on censor duty today...!). Well I was then left wondering around with the Elite twins in tow. I kept hearing mixed snoring and burping noises from the rear cockpit so I turned round to try to wake Boris up just in time to see two scruffy looking 190s drop out of the sky. There was a big explosion and I'm not sure what happened... Il2 and 190 bits everywhere. I think they've developped some new tactic called vertical bumper cars.

Needless to say I threw the plane about with some desperate jigging tactics trying to wake up Boris. Meanwhile the other 190 zoomed up and down five times playing bumper cars and throwing in some random machine gunning for theatrical effect. Finaly Boris woke up with a gurgling sound and promptly puked up out of the back... not sure where that 190 went but he was last seen heading for the clouds with his windscreen wipers on.... After that it was a quick nip home to land and get more ammo, but Tooz had locked the munitions store and put up a sign saying "No admittance, thieving cossack this means YOU"

Oh well must fly...

Your loving son Stenka

P.S. Here's a piccy of Boris